Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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