respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
