I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I pour the whiskey from now on
Randomize
