I accidentally had phone sex last night
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
is this the sara with the beer cane?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
