are you so shy because you have an std?
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
