I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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