and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
