So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
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