His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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