u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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