I want you more than these girls want KFC
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
