Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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