Small penises have feelings too.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Randomize
