go do what you do best...puke behind churches
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
