She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
