Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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