I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
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