I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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