I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
