You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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