I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
