just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
