OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I showed him my bush... on skype.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
