If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Randomize
