We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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