I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
