After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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