I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
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