Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
