i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I have already put on my inside pants.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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