By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
