I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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