If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
