I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
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