And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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