I'm gonna have a badass scar
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
honey bunches of taint.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
