I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
