Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
