i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Can I color on your dick again?
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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