my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
