I just made out with a guy for $7.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
