scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
