So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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