so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
