So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
