Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
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