Cold hands, warm shart.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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