so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
