I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
She bit a glass in half.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
