wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
