just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
