Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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