I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
