at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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