It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
