you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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