Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
