i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
