when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
