who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
