Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Everclear isn't food dammit
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
