she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize